I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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