I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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