it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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