drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
