I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
