Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
