Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
