Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
