ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
