Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
