I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
