i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
