the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
