matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
