Quick, to the slutcave!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
