i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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