if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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