Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
