Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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