no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I have feelings that need drinking.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
