I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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