Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
