god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
