i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
