I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I feel like abortions should bother me more
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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