He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
