Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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