You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
