If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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