Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
