I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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