Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Who died my cat blue again?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
