my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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