wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
