Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
