Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
