Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Randomize
