meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
