Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
