shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
