Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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