He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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