I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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