how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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