i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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