im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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