S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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