go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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