Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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