I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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