just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
