just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
